 |
GEORGE W. AND
LAURA MAKING PLANS
Already
going over guest list for
gala inaugural ball. |
|
|
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Thirty-Seven Countries Now
Without Leaders
And doing "very well, thank you." |
|
Pinochet Prepares Technical
Defense
All depends on what the meaning of
"mass murder"
is. |
|
Train, Blimp, Ferryboat Collide
Each blames the others for accident. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Downturn in Economy Predicted,
Followed by Upturn
Upturn to be followed by downturn,
then upturn, then downturn. |
|
Oxygen.com Acquires Hydrogen.com
in 2-For-1 Stock Swap
Will change name to Water.com. |
|
Profanity-Laced Lyrics Being
Added to Christmas Albums
Record companies hope it boosts
holiday sales. |
| |
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Country Could be Headed for
"Second Civil War"
Showdown between urban, Volvo-driving,
Starbucks-drinking yuppies vs. rural,
truck-driving, Jack Daniels-drinking rednecks,
with neither side holding the advantage. |
|
Santa Claus Hit With Massive
Tax Bill
Not a religious figure, says IRS. |
|
Feral Packs of Poo-chi Robotic
Puppies Reported Roaming Suburbs
Residents warned not to replace their
batteries. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Three of Four U.S. Students
Do Bad in English
But remaining half do
good in math. |
| |
| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
 |
SANTA ROUNDUP
NABS 140
Reindeer, elves, gifts confiscated.
|
|
|
