Ironic Times

NO. 13 "Expect the Ironic" DECEMBER 11 - 17, 2000

Dec 4
Dec 18
GEORGE W. AND LAURA MAKING PLANS
Already going over guest list for gala inaugural ball.
WORLD NEWS
Thirty-Seven Countries Now
Without Leaders
And doing "very well, thank you."
Pinochet Prepares Technical Defense
All depends on what the meaning of "mass murder" is.
Train, Blimp, Ferryboat Collide
Each blames the others for accident.
 
BUSINESS
Downturn in Economy Predicted, Followed by Upturn
Upturn to be followed by downturn, then upturn, then downturn.
Oxygen.com Acquires Hydrogen.com in 2-For-1 Stock Swap
Will change name to Water.com.
Profanity-Laced Lyrics Being Added to Christmas Albums
Record companies hope it boosts holiday sales.
 
U. S. NEWS
Country Could be Headed for
"Second Civil War"
Showdown between urban, Volvo-driving, Starbucks-drinking yuppies vs. rural, truck-driving, Jack Daniels-drinking rednecks, with neither side holding the advantage.
Santa Claus Hit With Massive
Tax Bill
Not a religious figure, says IRS.
Feral Packs of Poo-chi Robotic Puppies Reported Roaming Suburbs
Residents warned not to replace their batteries.
 
EDUCATION
Three of Four U.S. Students
Do Bad in English
But remaining half do good in math.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
SANTA ROUNDUP NABS 140 
Reindeer, elves, gifts confiscated.
 
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