Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - NOVEMBER 6 - 13, 2000
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Ozone Hole Attracting Tourists
Benefitting Antarctic economy.
  Medallions of Road Kill En Crouette
Ingredients: 1-2 lbs loin or breast of Road Kill, cut up.
1 large onion, cut in sections
1 large carrot, sliced as desired
Pastry shells
Lots of spices
1 bottle red wine
Fill tank of car with 10-15 gallons gas, head out of town.
Select fresh road kill by side of road.

(Note: the best way to be sure your road kill is fresh is to run it over yourself, but since this isn’t always possible, try to select an animal which has not been lying on the side of the road for more than 24 hours.)

Timely Tip: Remove gravel from meat, also broken glass, etc., which will give an uneven texture to the meal.

Dredge cubes of road kill in flour, brown in oil, add lots of spices to cover "gamey" flavor of meat, doubling the amount if you aren’t sure how long it was out there by the side of the road.
Roll medallions in pastry shells, place in baking dish with vegetables, 1 cup of the wine.
Bake at 450 for as long as it takes you to finish the rest of the wine, or if desired, something harder.
If meat seems a bit tough, have some more wine, try it again.
Aries — You’re feeling good, so when someone suggests a shopping spree, take her up on it.
Capricorn — Tomorrow morning would be a good time to go shopping with a friend (Aries) at a suburban mall near you.
Taurus — You have important work to do. You know what it is.
Cancer — Go about your business as usual and don’t ask any questions.
Aquarius — Don’t leave the house. Period.
Libra — You will get a phone call from the district attorney’s office asking for information about a certain Scorpio. Say nothing. Everything will be explained.
Leo — You know what to do, Leo. Take it easy on Libra, but don’t botch the job, capiche?
Sagittarius — You go along with Leo.
Gemini — As always, there are two things for you to watch out for: a red truck, and a subpoena. Avoid both.
Pisces — Pisces sleeps with the fishes.
Virgo — Be available for a late-night rendezvous with someone new and exciting.
Scorpio — It looks like another beautiful day, boss.

 Copyright 2000 Ironic Times