Ironic Times

NO. 4 "Expect the Ironic" OCTOBER 9 - 15, 2000

Oct 2
Oct 16
SPACE PICTURES INDICATE POSSIBLE PRESENCE OF GATORADE ON MARS
Would be consistent with evidence of water, basic component of Gatorade, below surface.
WORLD NEWS
Jewish New Year Beset
With Y5K Problems
Most computers interpret 5761 as 6517. "Don't ask," say experts.
Pink Flamingoes Spotted at North Pole
Meteorologists not convinced it’s a sign of global warming.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Road Rage May Be Healthy, Experts Claim
Aggressive behavior directed at perfect strangers preferable to taking it out on family, friends, co-workers. Can reduce pent-up frustrations, provide motorists with "escape valve" for tension.
Study Shows Most Students on Ritalin, Teachers on Prozac
Test scores improving.
 
U. S. NEWS
"Your Call Is Important to Us"
Lifts Nation's Spirits
Self-esteem skyrockets in wake of widely disseminated message.
Vote and Win Jackpot at $20 Million in Fall Election & Super Lottery
"Government of, by, and for the people" not drawing voters. New ballot features message, "You may already be a winner!"
All "My First Little Land Mine"
Toys Recalled
Some parts small enough to be swallowed.
 
ELECTION 2000
Bush Ahead, 64% to 33%, According to Latest Bush Family Poll
Nearly two-thirds of his own family prefer him to the Vice President.
Undecided Voters Still Undecided
Dumbest, least informed, growing in importance as election nears.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
PRESIDENT FORD ROBBED AT GUNPOINT
Thief escapes with watch, $180 in cash, handful of "WIN" buttons.
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